Penelope Nisha runs away from home in the middle of the night, leaving her loving husband and son. She returns two and a half years later with no memory of her departure or her time away. She throws herself into the role of loving mother and wife. But were things always so picture perfect for the family? Why does she have such odd new desires? Why did she leave? Penelope must put together the pieces of a life returned.
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3.8 out of 5 dark stones (based on 59 reviews)
Ok so I have finished this and I have to say I dont think you guys stick the landing. Some parts of the ending I like but it feels forced, rushed and it feels you guys just gave up.
Positives first- gonna be brief. I do like the mystery of the story for the most part. That kept me engaged and that twist at the end of the second act I thought was neat. Though there are negatives to that which I will get to. I like the characters I thought they were fun and interesting. Fight scenes and sex scenes sensual scenes were pretty good.
Negatives- I feel a lot of people are gonna hate me on this. I feel you and Cd didn’t flow well. Some things feel way to rushed. Like you guys took the criticism of pacing and filler way to much to heart and rushed a lot of story stuff in one way I appreciate but some the story felt flat to me. I feel that you and cd should’ve done a short serious story first then this and if I had to be honest this could’ve been a shoet story i didn’t need this to be a main story. It’s not exciting enough, it’s flat and next time I hope you do that before teaming up with someone. I was afraid this was gonna happen when you announced this team up. I feel the ending didn’t work because not enough pay off and everything feels rushed. Why didn’t you expand this more with the dad doing all this in several chapters. Now everything is at the end. You could’ve gone back and forth seeing the dad do this and have be like huh why is he doing that. Also the mom yelling I thought was to silly you should’ve shorten a lot of that.
Another thing. Why do you keep doing this. Stop introducing characters and then do nothing with them. Where is the blue haired woman. I mean I know what happened but why his girlfriend what the fuck happened to her. Why do you keep doing this. Stop introducing characters or setting them up and not paying them off. You have done that with aunt characters in the past and that sucks and this sucks. I don’t understand. You should’ve kept going. Don’t know if you wanted this done before the new year or what but it ruined the ending for me. Also i like blowjobs as any other guy but can we slow down with that. I want more variety l. Thought the writing for the blowjobs was great I like that part
Now the main thing I hate and I know why you did it but I have to critique it. The mom and son stuff. This felt like you did this on purpose. People who wanted and asshole son you get it but he becomes submissive and not in charge at times he is but you did it to much where he became submissive and a simple at least to me. Also that ending with the mom. A interesting twist I like bit how you wrote him at times it felt like wow he can’t even get the real fucking thing either. I felt defeteated by that. There are good bones here to make a good story that you wanted to do but it’s not here. I like the idea bit I would’ve liked it if I had gotten the type of son that I’ve been wanting again for awhile. There should’ve been more of a fight for dominance in this story. To me there wasn’t. Sorry but that ending I feel could be good but it’s not and same with the story. I feel like I said you should’ve waited and done a story before hand then do a main one. Also what is the point of this being in the same universe as Bella? You literally barely mentioned it. At least some more characters or stuff from it. I’m like what is the point. You gotta stop doing that as well because then I’m like oh boy same universe I hope there are references or characters from that story. Now I’m like eh. Sorry for being negative on this but it didn’t work for me. It could’ve been good though. I feel you should make a mom and son story like this where both of them make a harem or team up. Like that ending in like damn it I want to see that way .one then this story I got. Just very sloppy writing for this whole thing. I will try it again in the future especially illustrated but it needs work and some things you need to fix with your writing Rawlys when it comes to paying off characters. Btw I don’t mind a large group of characters as long as it’s paced well. Just wanted to throw that put there. Take care guys.
I appreciate your enthusiasm for feedback, but I don’t appreciate the ad hominem remarks. I think my success speaks for itself. I am always looking to improve, but not in the ways you outline. I haven’t ever changed an ongoing story based on feedback, nor will I. CD and had something in mind for this story, and we’re both happy with how it turned out. I think it may be that I’m not the writer for you. And that’s fine. There are plenty of other writers out there 🙂
I get ya. Sorry. I get too carried away. I’ll do a better job being more not asshole.
Thank you for the apology.
Have to catch up I didn’t realize until I looked on your discord that the last chaper from last week was the finale. I thought you were going to 30. I’ll have to find some time to read it and give you my thoughts. From what I read so far. I think it’s good but it’s not solid. I think you and Cd were not fully in sync for me at times and I feel certain characters like the one with the blue hair didn’t get enough time. I’ll speak more about the son next time. But I do think it was still good. See if the ending is good. Got spoiled due to comments but that was my fault. Anyways curious about your next story suprised you didn’t have it out already.
i will say i kinda guessed the ending not disappointed on the execution though was excellent. what gave it away was the repetitiveness of her words when fixating on being better!
Glad the ending still worked for you. Thanks for the feedback!
Strong ending. Never considered penny to be an alternate. I wonder if Felix will have an alternate
teddy made as well?
I’m glad that the final twist worked. We set up lots of hints about it throughout the story, but it’s not easy to thread the needle to make the twist fun, without telegraphing it. Felix certainly has all he would need to make another son 😉
Good final chapter. Felt like it was gonna be a sad one but I like resolution, very bittersweet. Now I can keep imagining how an ass would ripple on the moon…
Thanks! CrazyDorian and I had a lot of fun with this one! There is hope for Penny on the moon 🙂
I hope Freddie’s womb isn’t actually barren. I can see the dad having designed her so that she could have babies. Seems like he wanted to replace Penny
I like how this story breaks out from a lot of the rest. The male protagonist, Teddy, isn’t like Vel Tulius, George Zaal or some of the others e.g. meek and shy. Nor does he share many of their physical traits. As always, the easter eggs that hat tip the other stories is always a bonus!
Thanks for the feedback! I think Penelope is quite different from most of the other moms too. I haven’t written too many bursting bodices in the past 🙂
Indeed. I get a good laugh when that’s expected. Liker her superwoman move, I suppose.
Reminds me more of the Hulk, haha.
FYI – You have a typo or incorrect word choice on page 220 & 226:
“…Now, of course, with this knowledge, we will ask you to be *discrete*. …”
*It should be discreet (inconspicuous or intentionally unobtrusive) rather than discrete (separate or distinct).
https://www.scribbr.com/commonly-confused-words/discrete-or-discreet/
Good catch, thank you!
So…ugh..hmmmm…I see that you gave me what I wanted in the latest chapters…almost but story isn’t over yet. Yeah sorry for jumping the gun but I like to put forth my feelings on these stories. I like the addition to certain people like that you put them here at the end of third act. That to me is intriguing and new and added to the spice and to the story. The plot is so good in my opinion I like the different turns the mystery of it all just I like it a lot and like I said adding certain things or people really did boost that up for me and what you did in the last chapter. Nice I look forward to that and glad you did that. I like how different the women on here are there more I feel in charge I do like that change. I can’t say anything about the son…you know about my complaints but I will save that for the end or later because I didn’t see any of that last stuff a few chapters ago. I believe 18. A few minor things. It’s with the mom and son. I feel that you could of lead more to that moment they had in this latest one. I understand cut the fat but too me I think the mom waiting a bit more or teasing more to her would’ve work a bit better it seem to quick. I still liked it but it felt a bit weird. I can’t think of anything so have to say really love this now. I like the new stuff you have here. What I’m surprised are the ratings like I’m kinda confused that more people don’t like this more. I feel this is getting back on track to Palmer Manson, dark stone and enkie. But then again people like legacy and I don’t so different taste I guess. Anyways keep up the good work you two. see ya.
I appreciate the updated feedback. I think that it’s tough to judge a story until it’s complete. But, because of the genre, I have to go with the serialized release format. Often, early in the story it can be frustrating because things are developing, mysteries are unsolved, and the main characters are having bad things happen to them. Once the full arcs are established, the story is hopefully more satisfying.
We’ll keep plugging away at this one. We’re solidly in the third act, so things are happening quickly now. Stay tuned.
I always love a new take and a unique story to get my rocks off too 🙂 This one is doing that in spades! There is something especially hot as hell about a robot gaining a humans form and feelings and exploring pleasures. From stoic and completely constrained to passionate and open. Feels very novel and once sex comes… extremely hot!!
I really appreciate the positive comment. It’s good to know people are enjoying this story. Yes, I’m also looking forward to Freddie exploring her new world 🙂
Hey guys so I’m gonna say this and I sorta agree with Will. Not fully but some aspects. I think the plot is interesting but I feel it’s running out of steam for me a bit. Now its not over of course so can pick up so minor complaint even if it didn’t fully still minor complaint. So few things that are not working. Just the solo mom and son stuff. Ugh uh…We need a bit more characters guys. I need a sister or something. I want some other sex happing in the background while the mom and son stuff is happening I know I bitched about too many characters but you didn’t have just have two. Winni I wish wasn’t a robot so he could fuck her. I like though so that’s good. Another thing….oh you guys why. now if you make this up later I’ll be good but why oh why do you pacify him I was so watiting for him to take charage then….pfffft…..though still hot and he was forceful I want that anger that jerk son back. Now if you do swing back around due to what he said in the latest chapter not liking to be pacified then hey. I’ll sorta forgive you guys but please oh please don’t make him full on goody two shoes boring character keep that edge if you get rid that fuck this story. I”m sorry but if you thought I was pissed at legacy I’m gonna go nuts if you do that lol. Honestly though please don’t.
I feel this premise this whole thing should’ve been a short story. Honestly think it would’ve worked better that way. Especially with just the mom and son. Not sure if it’s because you have CD writing with you but it’s not jelling well for some reason. Most likely have to wait but I would prefer you put a little more characters in there and have asshole son again. Yes I will keep saying that because by god sometimes it makes it more fun and intense. Which is what I kinda want in this. I feel like a mental patient at times like he’s gonna do it he’s gonna….Ughhhh…..I know I gripe about it but man I miss the old asshole characters. Short stories are fine but want main. mother ship chef’s kiss. Palmer mansion chef’s kiss. I feel your son’s lately not counting Enkie have been ok. la belle was better but I”m getting so sick of it. This sorta a nice change of pace but you guys need to stick the landing and keep the jerkiness. I hope future sons can have more of that edge in the future. But of course every once in awhile we can pure good guy son. But no mo legacy type stories. My brain can’t do that again. Of course large cast is good but pacing. Anyways that’s all I have to say. I know it’s long but just needed to say it. I’m still in it….but you two better not make the son weak sauce. I”m watching you two lol. See ya guys
I can’t discuss too much, since that would head well into spoilers, but the detailed feedback is still appreciated, Lobria. I’m glad you care enough to be so detailed. Hopefully by the time the story is done, the whole will be something you enjoy. 🙂
Much appreciated Cd. I’m glad you do and yes I always will. I want you guys to improve and what also bugs me is people not putting effort in comments and telling Rawls or you things. Except on discord where that one guys writes a novel of a review lol. But I feel it’s important because you guys do listen because I do see improvements in the new main stories. Like Bella was way quicker and less characters a focused on mom and son more. That to me is listing and improving. Same with this with a few things here and there. I do hope you guys pull something off I’m gonna keep reading of course because I still like this story. Hopefully somethings I complain about get resolved soon.
I appreciate the detailed feedback. As I mentioned to you before, I’m happy with my stories and I respectfully disagreed with you on Palmer Legacy. I know Palmer Legacy didn’t work for you. But as I said at the time, I was happy with how it turned out. I think it worked for a great many readers. Similarly, I’m really enjoying A Mother Returned. I don’t see these stories as constrained or enhanced by the number of characters. They’re different stories trying different things. More than anything, I’m interested in the quality of the characters involved. I know that Penelope is a very different sort of mother character than in most of my stories. She initiates and is pulling her son along with her. The closest dynamic I can think of is Mothership, but of course that was very different. It’s fun for me to explore what these different people do when confronted with obstacles. For me, I’ll continue to try new things with the main novels, explore new characters, and genres. My next main novel will follow several families in one apartment building. So, I’m guessing based on the number of characters you won’t care for it. But it’s a story that I’m excited to tell. And I think it will work well. Again, I appreciate your passion, but I respectfully disagree.
I understand Rawls. It’s to avoid burnout plus you want to expand. I get that i’m just very into your stuff is all. The next one despite large cast does sound interesting. I’m curious what’s gonna be the narrative thread with all of them. Regardless I will keep and open mind and will always be truthful with you on how i feel on things. If it doesn’t work for me then oh well. I’ll figure something out but you do your best. Good to see you respond and I’m glad you take the time to do so. Sometimes I get to into it. Anyways curious to see how this story goes and your others. take care Rawls. Also I don’t mind a large cast, I just want better pacing that’s all.
Thanks for understanding! You’re right about burnout. I would stop writing if I had to do same thing over and over. I’m always looking for a new challenge. I stay with the core interests of my members while changing things up as much as I can.
I am thinking the girlfriend that wants to explore her sexuality with women is going to be coming back. I am also predicting that the anger the son had for the mom will be transferred to the father when more info comes out. The family that the son got in an altercation with may supply some sexual partners as well. There are possibilities but only one thing has happened. In other stories secondary characters were introduced often as neighbors or classmates, we saw the main character have brief interaction with them and/or mention them several times before we really got interactions that lead to sex. The girlfriend is the only character so far that fits that profile, so far. In rawly’s best stories like Enki, or Palmer mansion, we appreciate the characters and the tension/desire is allowed to build before being released. I think many are missing the tension. I think that is why someone said they wanted the anger Element back to the son character. They want more of the tension the anger element was providing. The Palmer mansion had mr. Palmer, the ghost hunting couple, the father,( at first). Enki had Enki, the endless repeation of the same day, especially if it was disappointing, the father, the sisters boyfriend. They had if not villains but characters or elements which provided tension, the possibility of and consequences for failure.
What are those elements in this story? The dad is literally on another planet and there are some vague conspiracy elements but they are shrouded in a mystery. They are still really unknown but so we never really know the stakes or how often they are likely to appear and what form. I think they idea was that was supposed to make them Omni present and more tension building but to this point they seem a little random. I think the story may need conspiracy elements to happen more frequently, even if they are little things. They seem to be picking up a bit which is good. There is a lot of good things going on on here. Your stories have a taboo element mainly but also a harem element. The Harem element is missing so far and the opposing forces are less defined than usual. It’s a bit like the villain in Star Wars the phantom menace, dearth maul was a great bad guy but never really used and the opposing forces were vaguely defined and absent for long stretches of the film. The hand stuff is a bit like the pod racing to extend the analogy, not doing anything special for me but generally fun and others seem to enjoy it so not a big deal but a little more than was probably needed. (For me, not kink shaming at all, I am fine with it. But if you are on the fences about doing more or doing less. I would be ok with less. Others disagree I am sure).
I really appreciate the detailed feedback. You make some good points. I also think that a change in tension may be why the feedback has been mixed on this one. CD and I are trying for some different themes in this story than others I’ve written. I think the tension is there, but it’s more subtle and interpersonal. That said, we’re approaching the third act, so the things are starting to heat up.
Agreed with Rawly. Thank you for the detailed feedback, NoblisOBE. 🙂
I just can’t get into it. I actually think that this may be the first long story that I have not liked.
FYI – the page reference is incorrect in your post about the release of chapter 11 (comments are turned off on that post)
Thanks for the heads up. I forgot to update it. I’ll do that now.
Hey Rawls and Dorian. So far I am really like this story. I find the plot to be very intriguing and keeps wondering what’s gonna happen and how did Penolpe get this way. Another thing that I like is that you have the mother being the one who is seducing the son usually you have it the other way around. Nice change of pace. It’s something you said you were gonna do in Legacy or so I thought you said but it didn’t happen so to see it happen here is very nice. Another thing that I like is that you don’t have winifired being the one who is causing all this to happen between them. Well at least now it doesn’t seem that way. You usually have a third party involved that get’s the ball rolling but not this time. At least so far from what we know. Nice change of pace. As for the son. I know where it’s going i think I do hope you keep his meanstreak in thorughout the story I don’t mind him forgiving and loving his mom but still being angry and letting it out on her like his girlfriend sounds oh so nice. So I hope he doesn’t become a goody goody at the end. some of the jerkness would be nice to still have which is where I hope your going. But I have my reservations. But regardless good story so far. Anyways wanted to put my two cents in. Also I like that you have the mother quickly giving her son a blowjob and other stuff that was quick and glad to see it. Get right to the point while still waiting for them having sex. Wish for a bit more characters but like I said story is still really good so I will keep reading regardless. like it so far take care you two and keep up the the good work.
Thanks for the feedback! I’m glad you’re enjoying this one. CD and I are having fun putting it together! We’re looking forward to delving into some of the mysteries in upcoming chapters. More on the way!
Thanks for the well thought-out feedback, Lobria! As Rawly said, we’re having a lot of fun and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. 🙂
Thank you I do my best. I try to make it sound like I’m rambling which I admit is pretty difficult at times. Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. That honestly means a lot. I try to do my best to be critical but still enjoy your stuff.
5 is a great chapter. I love the way Penelope took the android’s advice and it turned into… that. I am excited to see where the relationship goes, but I am most curious about Winifred’s role moving forward.
Thanks for the feedback! Winifred is very practical, I’m sure she’ll figure out how to handle her oddly behaving humans.
Chapter 4 is numbered incorrect in both versions. Really liking the story so far, especially that it’s focused on Penny and Teddy’s relationship. Keep up the great work.
Thanks for the feedback and spotting the error. I have fixed it, the chapter numbers are correct now.
Enjoying the build up, Penelope is an absolute nymphomaniac. Can’t wait for the next chapter, I have a feeling things are about to spice up!
Ooh! Not much to go on yet! Patience! Someone Must be an Alternate! Cora?! Amnesiac Penny the only looker of the family. Just how biological can Winifred be?!! Hopefully more clues on Friday!
We’ll see … 😏
So far I think it’s good not great but it’s only the first chapter so I need to see more. a few things during the story I don’t think you put she correctly when talking about the maid or robot. I think you put he and that threw me off so its during the part were the son and her are talking. Also doing few a bit different but again no mystical or something to make the sons dick bigger he is just naturally endowed don’t like that but alright I’ll read more. The mother stuff is intriguing wondering were you are going with that. Also looking at the character sheet I’m super disappointed with the low amount of characters. So the son is not gonna fuck a lot of women. I mean we have to wait and see the story could be great but right now I have way more reservations for this then I did for Le Belle. also the same character thing were the son is an ass and turns good I imagine. I hope that’s the case and he retains some of his jerky ways but oh well. Sorry I know it’s early so I will keep reading but a few red flags went up already reading this. but the mystery of the mother is intriguing so I will keep at it. see ya Rawls
Bro it’s chapter one, give Rawls some faith. Not everything is going to be perfectly what you want at all times, and you don’t even know where the story is going. Stop criticizing and be more supportive
I understand that I was just giving my thoughts that’s all. I’m gonna keep reading it. But it was just an opinion.
Thanks! 🙂