Under Fire Ch. 1

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A military mother comes home and finds that her son has started his own massage business.

If you have an opinion, please leave your feedback below. Your comments are helpful in navigating the course of future projects.

Illustrations by JDseal: https://subscribestar.adult/dark-stone-stories

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This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. Anteater

    Something tells me she’ll be sooorry.

  2. Crotcher

    Yay JDSeal is back! Missed you both working together, its what first brought me over to your work. He really does bring your work to life!

  3. Slick Pillar

    Well, initially I wasn’t psyched this was the story that won. Not because my story didn’t, mind you but because I thought the pitch for this one was generic and bland. I realize now Rawls could probably make any story idea good. I enjoyed it a lot and I’m overjoyed JDseal is the illustrator. Karen’s design is smoking hot, I’m really looking forward to mom getting pumped full of cum (I hope). I love the Dark Stone making an unexpected appearance. All great stuff, especially since it feels like such a teaser for things to come (cum).

    Constructive criticisms: The first block of text alone has a bunch of words missing spaces and mashed together. I’m no grammar nazi so I don’t really care. It’s just noticeable because it keeps happening and makes me think the story was written in a rush, which is impressive if anything.
    The other being JDseal needs to read the scripts more carefully. I’m pretty sure every story he’s illustrated for Rawls he at least a few times makes an illustration that doesn’t match the text. Here it’s the text describing Benjamin slapping her ass with his cock while the illustration shows him with cock on top of Gretta’s lower back. I’ve been rereading THOPM and a bunch of times his illustrations don’t match the text descriptions, jarring me out of the story. Otherwise, he’s still my favorite illustrator and I greatly appreciate you working things out with him Rawly. Thank you both very much! Loves yous!

    1. Rawls

      Appreciate the feedback. The formatting was the culprit for the missing spaces. I’ll mention that to JDseal. As for not matching the text, JD and I have a different process than with most of the other illustrators, and sometimes things slip through.

  4. Rawls

    Thanks for the feedback everyone. JDseal and I are both having fun with this one.

  5. NegativeEnergy

    Nice, JDSeal is a good artist with a style that speaks to my taste.

  6. 7Myxzptlk

    The son is gonna help her relax and she’s gonna be a grandmother so many times over. Even if she has to have one of her grandchildren.

  7. Lobria

    Honestly Rawls it’s good to see you two working togther again especially on a continuing story. This feels like your old stories and if I have to be honest I wish it wasn’t a short story I wish it was a main one. This story is to good for short. But of it means we get Jd back then I guess I’ll deal with it. But I do hope you bring the asshole son back in your main stories again as the main character. I miss that. Anyways good to see this. I’m super excited to see more. He’ll yeah. Anyways see you later Rawls and Jd.

  8. Holyx

    It good to see more collaboration between the two of you.

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