Writing update 3/20/22

I appreciate that you’ve are bringing in elements from your other stories into the Palmer legacy. I wonder if there aren’t issues with pacing and story cohesion developing. One of the shinning features of your writing is that we are shown, not told, characters attributes and we have a great feel for their motivations. It what makes the characters journey from regularish person to sexual libertine so complying. I fear that given the number of characters that, there has been more telling and Lessing showing. I feel I didn’t know much about the blue haired daughter before her corruption so her descent meant less. I also have a little less feel for the physical appearance of some of the characters.

Interestingly, these two problems may have a shared solution. For instance there is a tall girl who is a jock and I believe of African American. If we could spend a few moments with her at basketball practice with her or even here practicing by herself. Where we could learn about how her discipline has marshaled her natural sublime grace and athelitic but still feminine physique into being a great athlete and competitor. However this focus has also left her under developed socially and in sexual self actualization and so when she does ‘awaken’ the loss of discipline in debauched pleasure seeking is all the more compelling. At least that is what I think you maybe driving at with that character. We just need, in my opinion, a bit more time with the characters, to get a feel for personality, physical sketch, and motivation. The younger characters are beginning to work together and piece together the mystery but the internal emotional drivers and motivations are a bit fuzzy beyond, ‘this a bit weird, isn’t it?’ Which characters are secretly turned on and which are fear of the upset of the the order world they know. You have done this in parts and with some characters.

I just feel this story would be better served and would be easier to write later on with some more time and word count investment now in showing character traits and motivations now. This will mean a bit slower pace but with the way your write, spending more time with aroused beutiful people will still very enjoyable for the reader. There is a saying in Spanish, dress me slowly, I am in a hurry. Dress, perhaps undress, your characters a little more slowly and I feel we wil get to peak sexual tension and awesomeness sooner and with more clarity and sense of anticipation then pushing ahead with less developed characters. Anticipation is one of the things I enjoy about your writing. When you can sense how one character’s motivations and flaws are just going to unlock something wonderful in another and it feels like it flows as a natural outcome of their personality and the situation.

We need a bit more time and need to be shown a bit more about the characters, a vignette here or there. As mental exercise, if each of the characters were to have their houses to and settle in for a good uninterrupted master action, what would they fantasize about and how would the characters fell about what turned them on? Would they be ashamed, fearful, wanton, emboldened ? I feel I know the answer for some but I feel completely in the dark about others.

I mean all of this in the best possible way. Thanks for listening.